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I am tiptoeing into this space - into a place I wouldn’t wish upon my enemy. To face off against the worst in others - the judgement, hatred, bigotry, shame, guilt, disgust they have for fat people - and stand for who I know I am - to hopefully spark a conversation around being seen for who we (all of us) are not what we (all of us) look like.
I am not ready for it.
And yet.
There comes a day when the fear of being seen and heard is overridden by the urgency to share your message with the world.
Maybe that day is now. Or maybe you can feel it coming soon.
It will come. Because it is who you are meant to be.
It is not my job to make your life comfortable.
It is so much easier to stay numb. To just get by - day to day - and only opening yourself up to what is required to survive.
To limit your emotional response to only a small fraction of what is available because we've been taught that feeling too much is a bad thing.
But what if we could feel 2% happier? 2% more compassion? 2% more empathy? 2% more hope?
You already have everything you need.
It's all inside you.
Listen to your soul.
Honor your purpose.
Live your passion.
Step into the fire.
Burn it all down so you can rise up into who you are meant to be.
Forced diversity doesn't exist. What exists is inequality.
Women deserve a seat at the table.
Women deserve to be seen and heard.
Women deserve an opportunity to lead.
That isn't going to happen until women - each one of us - learns that we are more powerful than we can imagine.
The worst advise I think anyone can receive when sharing their demons with the world is this,
"You can do anything you set your mind to."
Respectfully, I call BULL-SHIT.
First, it's not that simple.
Second, you are making them out to be a victim.
Third, if it were true, no one would ever give up on a dream.
Fourth, it offers no level of compassion or support.
Fifth, it takes more than mindset to accomplish anything.
Let's break these down, one-by-one.
He told me I talked too much and that I needed to only say things once but think about what I was saying so that people actually listened the first time I said it. He said I repeated by thoughts because I wasn't confident in what I was saying and that if I would be more thoughtful and concise with my words, people would take me more seriously.
Um, ouch.
Over the years, I've thought about that comment several times, passing it off as true, sometimes, absolutely ridiculous other times.
But it wasn't until today that I realized the damage it had done.
If you don’t know what you stand for...
If you aren’t clear on your values...
If you aren’t aligned with your goals...
If you can’t claim your desires...
Then how do you know where you are going and, most importantly, how will you know when you get there?
AND
Will you even recognize yourself when you “arrive”?
Do you know...
Do you even realize...
I mean, do you even have a clue how powerful your voice is?
How much what you say can impact another?
How much you need to be heard?
Right now, there is someone out there that needs to hear from you.
You can’t expect to spend your whole life speaking from a place of fear, guilt, shame, belonging, and pride to then immediately be able to consistently and comfortably speak your truth.
It is a muscle that must be exercised.
Also because vulnerability hangover is real.
And sometimes people just don’t want to hear it.
Your truth isn’t always comfortable - for you or others.
But it must be spoken. It must be released into the world.
I look for inspiration everywhere. Somedays, I need more of a push than other days, so I take what I can get where I can get it.
There's nothing that makes me spin into despair faster than being unmotivated and uninspired (which is when the nonstop chatter of "I don't know what to do" I don't know what I want" "I am so stuck and don't have any idea what I should focus on" "I should just get a real job"... is loud and obnoxious.)
I kept praying for that lightening bolt of inspiration, the flash that changes everything. That, in an instant, I would be shaken so hard that my very core would be altered.
I mistakenly believed that change happens in a single moment.
That's not how this works.
I’ve never been a rebel. Well, except that one year in college when I worked at the school radio station and spent weekends dressed like a confused goth/grunge rocker - Doc Martens, black eyeliner, big hair, bleached jeans, the works.
But mostly, I’ve spent my life not rocking the boat. Not drawing attention to myself. Staying in the background.
There is a desire, for artists like us, to birth every idea that enters our realm. We fall in love with every thought - giving it life before recognizing that it might not be meant for us.
There is a siren, fire starter, eternal flame, wild woman buried within. I've seen only glimpses of her over the past 40 years.
She is fierce, bold, unrelenting, unpredictable.
But have no worries. You are safe from her defiance. She is locked up nice and tight. No way she will ever be able to break free of the chains keeping her hidden from the world.
Until she finds the courage to speak out. To be heard. To face the fear of being seen for who she truly is. Who she always was. Who she shall always be.
Are you afraid of your own voice?
Are you ignoring your power, your gift, your capabilities, your responsibilities?
Are you sitting on the sidelines wondering why you aren’t protesting, leading, sharing, being a changemaker?
Are you not speaking out and encouraging others to do the same?
Are you hiding?
Be bold. Be courageous. Be uncomfortable. It is not your responsibility to keep others safe. To keep them from being triggered. To feed their numbness.
Almost 5 years ago I was introduced to Simon Sinek’s book, “Start With Why”. I had been desperately searching for my purpose; for what I am supposed to be doing here on Earth and was excited to dig into the exercises.
I can’t really explain how my Why came to me. I wish I could say it was like a lightening bolt that was so inspirational I stopped everything to pursue it.
I wanted to be the person saving the animals. The brave soul standing in harm’s way. The woman sacrificing her own comfort for others. It wasn’t good enough for me to support their work. To help them live their purpose. To expose their message to a larger audience.
It is so easy to ignore our soul’s truth. We live in a loud, obnoxious, crowded world - both physically and internally with the voices in our head vying for our undivided attention.
